Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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