Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
