i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
