So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
