Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
