He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
