Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
