my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
