oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
