Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
