I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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