Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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