im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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