About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
