I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
