Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
