I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
