theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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