Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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