I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
