What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
