im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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