Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
