You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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