I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
