You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
