They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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