Slut skills are useful in every country.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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