Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
