It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
