Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
