Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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