garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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