had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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