Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
