Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
