im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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