I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
