wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
