yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
