Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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