If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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