OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
