She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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