First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
