the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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