return my video game
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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