ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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