the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
