She's JV to your varsity
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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