i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
