Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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