We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
