Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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