whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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