So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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