I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
