sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
