Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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