I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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