My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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