My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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