even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize