"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
