I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
