I will die if light touches me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
