I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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