i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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