like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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