my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
