The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
